Am I a lesbian? No. Am I a Mormon? Again – no – but I used to be. Do I have a gay child? No. But I am a proud GLBT Ally and member of the Orange County, CA PFLAG Chapter (Parents Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays) as well as being part of their Speakers Bureau. We go into Colleges, Universities and High Schools (when requested by the teachers and professors) to educate students about the GLBT population and to dispel any myths they might have. It’s the most rewarding volunteer job I’ve ever had.
Now…for a little of my history and how I came to be an ally for the GLBT community.
The first really close gay friend I had was, Frank L, a film maker and a wonderful human being. In 2000, Proposition 22 was introduced in California, and the church I was deeply involved in at the time became openly involved in politics for the very first time (to my knowledge.) Youth leaders had asked my children to hand out flyers and post signs in yards to support Prop 22, which was called The CA Defense of Marriage Act. When I found out its purpose was to ensure that gay marriage would never be legalized in California – I was stunned.
I thought about my friend Frank, and wondered how him being able to legally marry would hurt anyone? I wondered how him having all the benefits of marriage would threaten straight marriage? I couldn’t come up with one single rational reason – the concept just boggled my mind. Unfortunately, Prop 22 passed with an overwhelming majority of people believing that Frank just didn’t quite deserve the word marriage. How could they decide that – they didn’t even know Frank - or most of those whom they had just reduced to 2nd class citizens? This reality caused such a conflict within me I eventually left the Mormon Church.
My gay-rights activism didn’t really begin though until Prop 8, which was introduced in 2008 after the Supreme Court of California overturned Prop 22 on the grounds it was unconstitutional. Watching the joy spread across the state as 18,000 same sex couples were joined in holy matrimony between May and November caused me to weep tears of joy. Then the election on November 4, 2008 changed all of that. Again, but by a much smaller majority, some people had convinced themselves that gay-marriage was a threat to straight marriage - and possibly to civilization as we know it. They took those misguided concerns to the ballot box – an action which caused much pain and hurt between families and friends and divided a nation.
Although Frank had since moved to Italy where he is in a loving stable same-sex relationship with his life partner, the gay community here in the U.S. was made to feel as if their lives were a lie, their births a mistake, and the very people who were supposed to love and honor them had turned their backs on them once again because of their sexual orientation – a minuscule part of what really defines them as human beings.
I’m trying to come to terms with how the church that I had once loved had convinced its members to turn their backs on so many of their own. How could they truly believe that God had made a mistake in about 5-10 % of the human population? How will committed gay couples getting all the same federal and state benefits associated with marriage threaten straight couples in any way? Don’t they want their members to be moral and celibate until marriage? Wouldn’t they rather encourage them to be in committed relationships? What do those who are only attracted to their same gender do if marriage is not an option? How do they reconcile their faith, with their love? How do we as followers of Christ justify this intolerance toward sons and daughters of God? No church will ever be forced to marry anyone who doesn’t abide by their precepts. I can’t get married in a Jewish Synagogue unless I convert to Judaism, and no one unworthy can ever marry in the Mormon temple. But to deny gay couples the right to marry anywhere, seems completely misguided to me.
My deepest prayer is that those who somehow see gay-marriage as a threat to the moral fabric of our society can come full circle in their thinking and realize that creating laws forbidding same sex couples from marrying legally won’t make them stop loving and being attracted to members of their own sex, nor will it make them more moral. What it does accomplish is to make them lonely, confused, rejected and often times driven to dangerous promiscuity and even suicide.
Reconciliation is only possible if we take the time to understand. Understanding can only occur when we are willing to think through both sides of this issue and consider the consequences of what anti-gay propositions do to real live humans.
I gratefully acknowledge those who are striving to open hearts and minds by clear and heartfelt dialogue through reconciliation. May the spirit of peace and compassion sweep through us – allowing us to know the truth and act accordingly.
